I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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