Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
