...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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