just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
