"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
