Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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