she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
