I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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