Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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