i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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