My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
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