who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
