Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
