um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
