Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
