My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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