she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
