Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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