she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
