I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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