That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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