On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
