Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
