i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
