I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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