shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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