The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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