..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
