Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
