I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need to calm my uterus...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
