I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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