It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
