I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
