I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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