I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
