my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
