Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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