Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
