She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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