yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
