Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
