I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
