I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
