I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
