They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
