im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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