I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
