I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
