hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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