Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
