i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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