I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
