all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
